I read many articles from the net about child rearing. And many times I see myself shaking my head and sighed, "this is bull." I mean, I tried all the experts advices on how to deal on certain situations, and most of the time it isn't effective.
No, it's not.
Because, every kid is different. They are their own individual. Of course, just because it reaped good result in one hundred kids doesn't mean it will be on the next.
That's why I don't think they can just write an article and simply say, "this will work on your child".
My children for example are different. I know they are different compared to their classmates or kids their age. Parents of their classmates usually can trust them enough to leave them to school for the whole day expecting them to eat buy snacks during recess time, and eat their lunches at noon. My kids however, should still be guided, reminded on this area. They could not be trusted to be left alone at school.
Unlike other parents who can practice new school style of disciplining, I better stick the old school, because it works for me.
My Old School Discipline Strategies that works for me
"Respecting Elders" and "Don't Answer Back."-- I am consistent when it comes to good manner and right conduct. I make it a point that my kids never fail to say "Please, Thank You, and Sorry" with their normal tone. Always talk to elders with respectful tone. Though I don't have a problem on this area whenever they talk to me, they tend to forget to apply this to other people. So whenever I get to overhear them crossing their lines, I remind them.
"No Cartoons During Weekdays." -- Cholo used to sleep in my husband's aunt bedroom. And since she spoils him, he can get away with anything when it comes to her. He can watch as late as he wants to watch cartoons and wakes up to, again, watch his favorite cartoons. So his grades plummeted. So I pulled him out from her hands and squeeze him to fit our bed in our bedroom. Now, he sleeps early like his younger brothers and myself at 8:30-9:00pm. His grades improved.
"My Word is My Law." -- When I say no, that means "no". When I said jump, just "jump." Of course, I'm sure many of you will raise an eyebrow on this one. I sound like a dictator. Children's understanding about life or what's good for them and not isn't as high as ours.
"Don't Touch My Things." -- My children knows for a fact that mama's things shouldn't be touched. So they know that they should ask for permission when they want to borrow my cellphone, laptop, or touch my table and other things.
I know that mother-in-law's discipline and my dad's were similar. My husband used to tell me that they experience being spanked or hit, just like me and my younger siblings went through before. So I used that method if every possible punishment fails. But when she started living in the States, she was transformed. She tells me the line, "bawal gat pega alya."
If I were to compare the children then and now, I would tell you that children from the olden times grew up to be better good-mannered individuals and more filial, because of strict discipline imposed by parents. No Bantay Bata or DSWD.
Children in the States who grew up in a more democratic environment with parents giving in to their qualms grow up to be quite different
, they don't feel guilty of leaving their parents on the institution for old people. They don't care to point out what they feel even if it meant they have to shout back to their parents.
In Asia you don't see much of children shouting back at their parents, and if we do, we certainly blame it on the parents for not correcting this habit earlier. In Asia where parents are not guilty of invading their children's privacy, or even hitting their children. But aren't kids grow up still having utmost respect to their parents? Instead of leaving our "papa" and "mama" in the Home for the Aged, or alone at their house, we either move in with them or let them live with us with our new family.
Reward system is a given. My rewards doesn't entails toys, cookies, or any tangible things per se. My rewards for them when they are good is I let them play longer hours with their friends after we finishes his homework or if he has higher test scores I hug tightly.
My lovable gremlins doesn't demand or expect more than I can give. They know that whatever I say and do, it always for their own good even if it means they will get hurt or feel unfair at times.
What's funny is that in spite of me being one tough mama, my kids are known to be happy, active, and confident children.
Labels: children, discipline
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